a tribute to my mother and all that i want to be.

when i was doing a little purging for Goodwill this past weekend i came across my diary from when i was little.  i had a quite a few laughs reading through the entries.  almost every entry started or ended with: “i love my dad, i love my mom, i love allie, i love erin and i love myself.”

i love that i wrote “i love myself” i love that even as a young girl i had the confidence to think that and then express it in my diary.

there was one entry though, that really caught my eye and heart… (ten-year old grammar, keep in mind)

17 years later and i still feel the same way.

now that i have children of my own all i can hope for is that i can be what my mother was to me and more…

• a mother who helped instill compassion and thoughtfulness.
• a mother who has always let me be myself, even when i had no idea who i really was.
• a mother who never pushed me to be someone i wasn’t.
• a mother never interested in “stuff”, just interested in us.
• a mother who let me sneak into bed with her almost every night for years and years because she recognized being close to her and my dad was what i needed.
• a mother who never, ever made me feel uncomfortable to talk to her about what was going on in my life because she was…
• a mother who never pushed me to tell her what was going on until i was ready.
• a mother who had trust in me.
• a mother who never invaded my privacy.
• a mother who allowed me to make my own choices.
• a mother who laughed, cried and told me how proud she was of me when i told her i had gotten married and hadn’t told anyone or let anyone be there.
• a mother who understands my decisions are mine alone and it is her role to try to understand my perspective and support my decisions.
  
• a mother who is open-minded.
• a mother who, no matter what, will always be there for me.

most of all i want my children to recognize in me what i have recognized in my mom… that my sole responsibility to them is not to control, scold, disapprove or be disappointed but it is to take time to learn who they are as individuals and encourage them to flourish in a way that is natural to them.

my life are my children and i will continue to mother intentionally and confidently so that that connor and penelope will do the same with their children and on and on…

so thank you mom for helping me be the best me.   happy late birthday, again

today, i’m linking up with heather at The Extraordinary Ordinary and all my fellow bloggers for Just Write. Please head over and check out all the other wonderful and inspiring posts.