Sleeping arrangements in this house have been a struggle for me. An emotional struggle to tell you the truth. I am huge supporter of co sleeping, in fact I co slept with my parents until I was 8! I find nothing wrong with it and love it. But this is definitely one of those situations where you need to do what’s best for everyone in the family. It’s important for everyone – Mommy, Daddy, Baby + any other sibling(s) to get a good night’s rest.
So here’s the story of our ever changing sleeping arrangement…
 |
| Early morning wake up in bed with Daddy |
Initially Connor co slept with us in our bed which I loved and craved. After waiting for him for 9 months all I wanted was to stay close and get to know him. My husband on the other hand, did not. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be close to our son, watch him sleep and snuggle up with him; in fact he is really good about doing all of that. Just not when it was time for him to sleep. He was one of those Dads with an extreme fear of rolling on top of their kid. Secondly,every noise Connor made in his sleep would alarm him. I tried to tell him that if he was so in tune with C’s sleep noises doesn’t he think he’d be aware of where he was laying? He agreed but still didn’t feel comfortable. Which I get and he’s the one who is getting up in the morning to work all day so he needs sleep to function like a professional human being the next day.
Enter, 1st change of plans: Connor starts sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed and when he’d wake up in the early morning for a nursing session we’d nurse and then he’d go right back to sleep between us in our bed for another few hours. Oddly, my husband was okay with that. Maybe because he knew he couldn’t fall back into a deep sleep since he’d be getting up shortly anyway? Honestly, who knows but that’s what I go with.
Enter, 2nd change of plans: Soon just sleeping with Connor during the days was not enough for me. We said adios to Dada and headed up to the guest room to co sleep together during the nights. Husband didn’t mind one bit. He loved having the bed to himself (and the 3 dogs) This was working for everyone and we all enjoyed our situation but yet another bump in the road was looming… the crawl…
Enter, 3rd change of plans: Connor started to master the crawl well let’s not go that far. It was more of an “army crawl.” He didn’t do the standard crawl until around 10 months. He didn’t want to sit still ever.When we got into the bed together he was immediately falling off in his attempt to “crawl” off. He wasn’t able to shut down the go, go, go mode and settle into bed. It got to the point where I felt like it wasn’t safe. Floor pillows to break the fall weren’t working. Every time, he’d miss them. As much as we practiced, he couldn’t get a hang of turning around and going feet first off the bed. He couldn’t settle into sleeping. It was just a disaster so guess what? To the crib we went…
Enter, 4th change of plans: He started napping and sleeping the night in his crib. I just didn’t feel good about this. I don’t know what it was. I just know I didn’t feel comfortable. It didn’t sit well. I felt like we needed to be sleeping together. I needed to stop fighting my intuitions. There’s nothing like him rolling over in the middle of the night and snuggling into me, to feel his face smooshed up against mine. Seeing his big smile in the morning when he woke up and saw Mommy laying there with him.You just can’t get those moments back.
He had progressed in his crawling and maneuvering and I was ready to get back in the co sleeping grove!
Enter, 5th change of plans: We start sleeping in the guest room together again! Next step was pulling a mattress into his room. Which by the way, I should have done in the first place. We set his room up Montessori style and slept on the mattress on the floor (check that out here.) with his crib and mattress in there. Even still there were nights here and there that I slept in my (who am I kidding? My husband’s bed) 
and Connor slept in his crib. But whenever I did I missed Connor and his bedtime acrobatics. That kid flips around more than I’ve even seen in my life! So more often than not I sleep with my little
and Connor slept in his crib. But whenever I did I missed Connor and his bedtime acrobatics. That kid flips around more than I’ve even seen in my life! So more often than not I sleep with my littlepumpkin these days.
My new endeavor is getting rid of the crib completely! I know, I know. You’re thinking I’m crazy. He’s only 15 months old. But I say why not? The room is baby proofed. He’s safe. I think nighttime sleeping will be fine. I am concerned about daytime naps because I can’t always lay with him the whole time. Will he feel okay in that open space alone? I’m not sure. Only time will tell and I’ll have to adapt to what works best for Connor and everyone in the house. We shall see.
This is one of those situations where you just have to keep your sense of humor and go with the flow. Expect that a month from now you’ll probably be doing what you’re doing differently, adjusting to your baby’s needs in some way or another.
What are your co sleeping or non co sleeping situations? What made you decide your particular sleep arrangement? Am I am the only who struggled emotionally when away from their baby during sleeping hours?
`
20/52
my mother’s day
18/52 & 19/52
i had it coming. my daughter hates sleeping…
{DIY} faux roman shade – no sewing required!
{recipe} ayurvedic curry powder
17/52
increase your energy level + overall wellness with alkaline foods
I had my son in a bassinet beside our bed for about 2 weeks post delivery. That went fine, but Carter was a very noisy sleeper as a newborn. I moved him into his nursery at that point. We had an en-suite nursery (think seriously oversized walk-in closet)in there I had my rocker his change table and his crib. Carter took to his new surroundings immediately. I spent plenty of nights in my rocker sleeping with him on my breast. He would only fall asleep nursing for the 1st 12 months. And I was ok with that, I really enjoyed our closeness. Though this meant I was up and out of bed numerous times a night, I do appreciate that my husbands and my bed is 'our' bed. The nursery was Carter's and my room. I cried for weeks leading up to our move from that house. I would miss our nursery the most.
Now that C is 20 months, we don't nurse regularly anymore. But I still go into his room at night and sit in that same chair and just smell him, rock him, in his dreamy state. Enjoy being close, but also enjoy the fact that I can go to my bed and get a full nights sleep if I wish too
I think you need to do what feels best for you. A happy, confident, satisfied mother rubs of on their children. If you feel at ease being with Conner at night, then I bet he does too. Good luck with the Montessori room. Carter and I are transitioning too. The bed on the floor is not top priority but it will be son.
(wow long comment haha)
I like the idea of your en-suite nursery! That would be nice to have. I can imagine that being so hard to leave.. We moved when Connor was 10 months and I had a hard time leaving our first home together.
At 6 weeks Connor started sleeping through the night and still does to this day. He never cared to be nursed to sleep so I was missing out on those extra nighttime nursing snuggles that many women have majority of that first year. Maybe that is what makes my story different? Maybe that's what triggered me feeling like we need extra time together. Believe me, I enjoyed his awesome sleep habits some nights but overall I just missed those extra snuggles that I wasn't able to have during the day anymore. Connor also goes to sleep between 5-6 each night (his choice, not mine) I know that's early but it's just how he functions… So I have every evening alone with my husband which also helps that fact that we don't feel we're neglecting each other when we sleep in different beds.
I think as he grows older things will continue to change. He'll become more independent and I probably won't sleep with him as much but I'll take it while I can:) And you are so right – our children can feed off our vibes and they do respond accordingly.
I co slept with my son till he was about 4 months, and im still doign it with my daughter and shes 20 months. Personally, I would rather sleep with her over my husband any day. While she 'hogs' the bed, i can pick her up easily and move her, my husband not so much. His arm is heavy, where she wraps her arms around mine, when her feet are on me, its conforting not constricting. She also dosent physically take up the entire bed, just a small portion normally right beside me.
so true, Carol!
This is a great post and I feel like it is a peek into my future!! My son is three months and we have co-slept since he came home from the hospital. Thankfully my husband is a natural couch dweller and often times even before he was born he would be up late and just fall asleep on the couch. His attitude towards co-sleeping is similar to my husbands. My only issue with it so far is that if I want to stay up past 8 or so, (haha) he has to sleep in the swing until I am ready for bed. He seems to be totally aware of my presence and just putting him in the bed without me doesn’t really work at this point. I am wondering if you had any tricks for this issue or dealt with it yourself at all?
you make me smile with your statement about wanting to stay up past 8 because I am right there with ya!
As for sleeping, I would always do something similar. Connor always went to bed EARLY like 5:30pm early so there was no way I’d go to sleep THAT early. We would just put him down in his bassinet, later his crib and now as of a month ago his bed. Then I would take him out and he’d sleep with me in a bed. He never minded this…
If you think co sleeping is something you & your son will want to do for awhile I would suggest not even using the crib. If you want to get used to him falling asleep in a bed verses a swing for the future I would try putting him to sleep on a mattress on the floor (check out Nursery Redesign & Bye Bye Crib posts under the Live Simply tab on the homepage for reference) it sounds like he’s very in tune with your presence so you may need to lay him him until he falls asleep and then get up do whatever you wanna do and when you are ready to go back to sleep just go right in and lay with him. This way you don’t have to worry about him falling off a bed once he’s crawling around. But this always has a lot to do with what else is going on.. like do you stay at home or is he going to bed anywhere else – daycare crib, etc and would this conflict or if you have room for an extra mattress or can you put your mattress on the floor for a while? I’ve had the most success with co sleeping combined with a montessori style room because I don’t generally sleep with him while he naps now that he’s older.
you’ll just be constantly changing how you do things because he’ll change so quickly. Other moms I know in your same situation would nurse/feed/rock their children to a sleep state, put them down in the bassinet or crib and then go in and get them when they were ready.
another thing I thought of – when he was your son’s age we would put him down when he was sleepy but awake in the bassinet but it would be in living room (where we would be) but every night I would slowly move it farther and farther toward the bedrooms and put him in it and eventually he was able to fall asleep more easily without us right there by him… you could always use a packnplay if you don’t have a bassinet too.
Thank you so much for your insight Brigid!! I actually don’t know one other parent that co-sleeps so it is great to hear about your experiences. I am going to try the whole moving the bed space further and further away thing I think for the evening snooze. He still gets up around 12 which is about when I am looking to head to bed anyway so it has worked out so far but I don’t think sleeping in his baby swing is going to work much longer since this guy is verging on 16lbs! (go breastfeeding!) So far I have been totally following his lead and have not introduced any schedules and he seems to have fallen into his own pattern. It will just be a challenge to get him okay with sleeping away from us, but that will be the first of many like you say!! Thanks again for your advice!! I truly appreciate it!
-jo
yay:) glad i could help! let me know how he does!